UZBEKISTAN

Dear friends.

I could find new shoes for my Little Fat in Almaty. She is happy now with new oil, new oil filter and new air filter. I changed all by my own with a lot of tenderness. Then we left the ugly city. I got Uzbekistan and earnt an hour. I lost four going East. Now I am recovering them heading West. The border was hard to cross because is in the Afghan and Pakistan heroin way to Europe. It means the soldiers took away my luggage and checked it really deep seeking for drugs. Fortunately for my dignity, rubber gloves are expensive and they did not check even deeper. But Uzbeks are really friendly. Their way of wave me is by approaching the car to my bike and then, when they are really close, horn and shout as loud as they can while the driver smiles and show me both thumbs up. They are going to kill me of friendship.

Policemen are very friendly too. They are everywhere in Tashkent, the capital. Wages should be very cheap, because in Uzbekistan are millions of policemen. Or they have a really huge budget for security, or they earn a shit. Probably, both are right. They stop me every time and every street and every corner just to ask how many centimetres cubic, if it has carburator or injection, and “skolka” and “kuda”. (How much it cost and from where I am). But one said the most stupid thing I ever heard: motorcycles are not allowed in Tashkent. Bullshit, I thought he was trying to bribe me. But not at all, it was real. Read this

http://www.eurasianet.org/departments/insight/articles/eav051605a.shtml

Basically says that motorcycles are banned in Tashkent because the president is afraid of assassination using a bike. Do you understand now what I meant when I told you about Central Asia Surrealism?

Keep safe and well. Life is too short to be angry.

TRYING TO GET AWAY

Dear friends.

Still in Almay, financial capital of Kazakhstan, probably the ugliest city in the World. Grey, smoky, hot and with millions of junk cars going fast just to the next traffic jam. 11.000 km away from home and no way out. China, what I wanted to reach (just a hundreds km) is forbidden for my motorcycle. As most of you know, mi first mind was to reach Mongolia, but that was only an excuse to leave Spain. I changed my mind while I was travelling East. As I had to go Almaty, very far south from the Mongolian way, to visit BDO Kazakhstan people, I decided to try visiting other countries like Uzbekistan and Turkmenistan. Other reason to change my first decision was the way back to Spain. Who goes to Ulan Baator ships also the bike back by plane. Too much money. About 3000 euros. So I wanted to go back on my motorcycles. But getting visas are a real Kafka nightmare.

Uzbekistan visa seems to be gotten by Friday, but Turkmenistan is one of the most closed countries since the Wall fell. If I get visa (an uncertain business), I have to go every time accompanied by a local guide (probably an spy). It basically means paying double for everything. If not going through Turkmenistan to the Caspian Sea, I have to cross again the Aral desert (once I was a sea, but soviets made an irrigation plan and the sea got dried) to get Aktau, also on the Caspian Sea. Both cities has ferry to Acerbaian (another visa to obtain), but the boat only goes when is full. So you could wait for one or two days, or one or two weeks. If meanwhile the visa expires, fuck you. More legal problems. And still paying the guide, of course. If everything goes well and I can get Baku, Acerbaian port, then I have to go to Georgia, recently in war against Russia, and from there, Turkey, which means home.

It seems to be a very long trip and a very good chance to learn Russian. Keep safe.

Turkistan

Now in the East part of Kaz, in Turkistan, city of mosques and university. Things became more "normal" here·, in Kaz way, of course. The main road to Almati, the capital, is now a narrow length of bad asphalt, but it´s asphalt. Not so funny to ride as the Moon, but at least it let you go faster and safer. Yesterday, I was able to ride 700 km from sunrise to sunset. There are also petrol station with 93 oct gas every 300 km. What a luxury! People are still friendly, they stop me every town to shake hands, asking about my trip, my children, my religion, my motorbike, etc, etc, and taking photos. I should have been photographed about 1000 times. I love Kaz but I´m getting into another state of mind, is like to be dreaming or drunk of hilarious gas. Keep well.

Aral

Dear friends:

Africa was a child´s play! Kazakhstan is much tougher. There is nothing but surrealism, camels and hot. I spent four days into the wild just to arrive Aral, still in the western part of the country. The most expensive commodity here, much more than caviar, is asphalt. You think you know what is surrealism just because seen few Salvador Dali art works? I´m gonna tell you what is surrealism. Surrealism is call road a line on a Kazkhstan map. It´s a bad joke. Maybe they were roads in Stalin time, but since 70 years of heavy traffic and no repairs at all, they are a big hole into another big hole. Is not off road riding, is just riding the Moon.

But people are nice. It´s a surviving issue. Being the land so tough, people should be good to let the humans live. Some are very good guys like two children I met. They helped me to give up weight from my bike (God bless her, the little fat is working perfect so far). They picked my Ipod and my torch when I was having supper in a stinky cafe. I hope they enjoy the punk rock as much as I do. Two new western stile degenerates. But bikers are always great. Alik, who rides an old Russian machine, helped me with food and place to stay. And that is the biggest gap with Africa. There people are friendly but always want something from you, here they give it for free. It´s incredible when people poorer than you offers what they have just for nothing.

Ok, folks, we will see how is going on. Keep safe.
Kazakhstan nternet conection as good as roads.

WELCOME ASIA

Finally, I got into Kazakhstan after spending few days in the Russian city of Astrakhan, on the Volga´s Delt, so I am in Asia right now. At last! It was not easy because I didn´t get good information when I was preparing the trip and the Kaz visa can´t be obtained at the border as I thought. Kaz guards wearing shiny stars and lots of medals and big big hats rejected me to the Russian border after few hour of friendly chat about why I wanted to go into Kazhastan without visa and why I hated kazhastan people and why I pretended to kill their honest President and where I hid all the drugs, guns and radioactive materials I was carrying into their healthy land. Once they knew even the name of my girlfriend and saw pictures of her lovely face, and once they asked why I was not married and have children, they put my ass on the No Man´s Land.

But the Russians did not want me into their lovely, safe and friendly country. My visa had expired the day I left Russia. So, suddenly, I was in the middle of nowhere. The Russian police boss tried to explain me, in Russian language, of course, my very rare and uncomfortable situation. No one wanted me in Central Asia. “Ok, tovarich”, I remember me saying to him, “so right now, I am your problem”. Then, he caught it. “Davai, davai (Ok, ok), trakatoko kakaleme toriche Astrakhan”. What it means: “Go to Astrakhan again and fuck any other civil servant, but not me”. Then, following day, Monday morning, I spent several hours visiting different kind of public departments and offices where no one spoke English. It was like a terror movie and me acting as the criminal and victim. But it was not a movie, it was real. Maybe they wanted de deport me, but where and how? No way out. But miracles happens, even no speaking the Tolstoy language, I managed my self to get the two visas in one day. The fact, guys, is that a biker is always a survivor.

Keep safe.

RUSSIAN NIGHTMARE

Dirty mind guys, stop asking for the Ukranian girl´s phone number! Unfortunately, our romance lasted just five seconds. Just what I know is that she works as an auditor.

As you know, BDO Auditing firm is sponsoring my trip and as a part of my duties I have to visit their offices along my way in those exotic countries you will never imagine can be auditors working. But there are, even in Zimbabue. When I arrive, usually all the staff go out and take pictures of my bike as if it was an UFO and me a guy from Mars. One by one, they like to be photographed beside the bike. When I visited Dniopopetrovsk, it was the same business, but the girls wanted the picture with me. When that red hair girl took her place (you can see her in the big group), she grabbed my neck in the romantic way you saw. Five seconds later, I was riding east again. It´s sad to say, folks, but when you have to cross Ukraine (2000 km) in three days, there is no time for girls.

Anyway, I am in Russia right now. The border was a nightmare as I expected, but sometimes riding a bike helps. The policemen thought I was crazy when I told them from where I was and where I was heading. So they let me go in without too many questions. Just one hour of paperwork. A Güinnes Record. They are not bad guys, but it is a pity their job is so bad paid. In other case, they would not try to make money bribing drivers. I have never seen something similar. They are like vultures. They can smell you from hundred km away. The only good Russian police car is made of wood. I hope to arrive today Kazajstan. Russia stinks.

All the best.

LOVE AND MONEY IN UKRAINE

Dear friends,

I´m still in Ukrain, about 70 km from Russia. In Mariupol, a beautiful turistic city beside the Black Sea. From my room, I can see the great factory chimneys coughing smoke to the grey sky. Who needs a blue one? Just the lazy western middle class who likes to swim in clean water; they are always fighting against socialism. You must know the Black Sea is not a sea, it is a lake. How do I know? Because on a real sea do not live mosquitos, and here they are even worse than in Africa. What can I say about food? If you like pickled gherkins and cow tongue you are in the right place. I did not like them but now I changed my mind. You can not find anything more delicious when you finish a daily 600km trip jumping from bump to bump.

But the best is people. As you know, a bike traveller is a dirty rude and ugly guy. But for an estrange reason I can not understand, good boys and bad girls always want to be with him. I have met very good friends on the road, like the Highway Police. They stop me at every city to ask how I am, where I come from, where I go, how much I want to give to them. It seems to be a national customary do not let the travellers go until they give them a big amount of money. What a nice guys! I took a picture of one of them despite of they do not like being in a photo. Maybe they are too shy. Fortunately the girls are not. At least, someone smiles in Ukrania. A lot of them are thin and beautiful and they usually want to go to Spain with me because they are generous and I look like needing a good ukranian wife who cooks cow tongue every dinner.

I told you, Ukrain is a paradise. I will feel so sorry far away.

WILD EAST

Dear friends:

Here we go again! Going East! I am already 3500 km away from home, in Ukraine, a great unknown country full of unhappy people. Here smiles are very expensive, but not petrol. People look like being angry all the time but maybe the right reason is to much home made vodka to drink at night and too less vegetal fibre to eat for breakfast. Landscapes are really beautiful. Roads are terrible, roads marks are a labyrinth and trucks go as the Devil was sitting at the wheel. A real biker paradise! What can I get in Russia? I am sure only about one thing: a nightmare paperwork crossing the border. Just getting the visa in Madrid was about to get me into a nervous crisis.

But let me tell you how and why I am here. When I arrived home after my African trip, I had domestic affairs. My wife was a little bit annoyed, and she got into a temper when I told her I wanted also going to ride Alaska. “I know you need some kind of adventure”, she said, “and to feel young and free loving other bikes like that old African bitch. I understand you are not a sitting man. You are like a child who always changes his mind. But If you think I´m gonna stay quiet at the garage while you ride America, you really do not know me. I am patient, but it is time to ride me for a good trip. It´s been so long since you get me into the wild last time”.

Oh, friends, what can I say? She was right. Alaska could wait. Summer is long enough. She was being so patient. I had some unimportant infidelities with other bikes but I am loyal to her. We have known each other for long time. So I realised it was time to ride her to the end of the World.

So here we are, riding to the East. Only God and mechanics failures know when and where we are going to stop. Just in case, I took the rear bearing of the final drive although I don´t really expect Kazahstan fixer could rebuilt it. But God loves the crazy.